Mediterranean recap under the bridge: happy birthday, dad
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Under the Mediterranean Bridge is basically a show that never ends. Over the years, it has morphed into an endless cycle of cliffhangers. With cameras running virtually 24/7, sometimes it’s hard to remember where one episode ends and the next one begins. It has become all the more noticeable to me over the last few weeks as I binged an old OG season Under the bridge. (Season 3, to be exact.) Can you even believe that entire charts started and ended in the same episode? We’re now down to four episodes and we’re only in the middle of the team’s first night!
Speaking of which, last week we left in the middle of Matthieu Shea and Lexi wilsonI wonder if they would ever deign to talk to each other in real life. We all know the answer is a definite ‘NO’, so why are we still arguing about it? I’d much rather hear all the reasons Katie Flood never wanted to become a stew chef. Or all the girls are chatting about the spooky uncle vibes that Mat keeps giving off. Or listen Malia White argue that you can be a “good person and work in yachting”. A little rich coming from her of all the people, but OK …
Besides, don’t we have a birthday to celebrate? It’s the day before Mzi dempers is 26 years old, which can only mean one thing. It is time for the whole crew to recover from the blackout aboard the Lady Michelle. Give up the typical jacuzzi evening, Katie leads the merry gang to the main cabin (because it’s a fresh chef’s stew) where a dance party spontaneously breaks out. Well, that is certainly not all that is happening. Somewhere in between Lloyd Spencerthe famous “Goose Gets Loose” and Chef Mathieu waving her arms in the corner, Zee gets a birthday lap dance from Courtney veal. One thing leads to another and the couple begin to kiss in front of the whole team. Mzi is officially crowned birthday dad.
The next morning is charter pick up day two. And everyone is feeling the effects of the day before. Honestly, as someone who doesn’t drink, I always wonder how the team can party so hard on their nights off and even be able to function the next day. Hangovers everywhere! And best of all, Courtney has no memory of locking lips with Mzi the night before. In fact, her reaction to the production breaking the news in their confessional is downright hilarious. So far, Courtney is a gem.
Captain Sandy Yawn calls a meeting on the preferences sheet, where Katie, Malia and Mathieu Learn that the principal is a charter return guest. That’s right, Roy Orbison, Jr. is back with his sweet and adorable family! Last season, the Orbisons were pretty much the ideal charters: easy going, polite, not overly demanding. And not even very heavy drinkers. Like, they ask for non-alcoholic beer for everyone to have fun. Plus, it’ll be a shorter charter, so everything should go smoothly, right?
Naturally, Lexi take every opportunity during procurement to reprimand Mathieu and annoys him. Now, I haven’t been too impressed with the chef so far, but Lexi’s terrible attitude is the real issue here. Talk about aggression. Entitled. Coarse. Unpleasant. Enter any negative adjective you want, really. I mean, it’s only the second charter and it’s already threatening to strangle someone. And when she ain’t mad at Mathew she finds reason to blame Katie. This time because the chief stew gives Courtney lucky to work in the department and she’s in the laundry. There is nothing for a second stew to rise more than the hierarchy in a “department” of three people.
Roy Orbison, Jr. and company arrive and the charter is officially underway. Poor Mzi is stressed to death from handling the heaving line as the boat sets sail, but manages to get out of the sea unscathed. Then, in the guest cabins, he plays a game of “How Many Yachts does it take to assemble a cradle? ” with Courtney and David Pascoe. (In case this question arises for your Under the Med Bridge quiz night, the answer is three.) After dropping anchor in Borovnik, Mathieu serves lunch exactly as he apparently enjoys cooking, which in his own words is healthy, light… a kids’ menu. I mean, I guess this is an update of what I thought he liked to cook, which was… nothing. At least certainly no food for the crew.
But just like Mathieu gets a little too confident thinking he’s the hero of the boat for concocting a salad of bibb lettuce, the gods of the Mediterranean cut him to size. Well, it was either that or his own basic nonsense. While he is preparing dinner, a pot of grapeseed oil catches fire completely without him even noticing it. He accuses him of having accidentally set the burner to “9” instead of “0”. What an honest mistake… if you are not a chef who claims to have cooked for one of the most exclusive clienteles in the country. Fortunately, the fire was no worse and the only thing scorched is the chef’s ego. But I’m really wondering how long he’s going to stay this season, because I’m not getting a finishing vibe from Creepy Uncle Mat.
Speaking of things that burn …Maliais in her cabin minding her own business (for once) when she comes across a handwritten list of names. We’re also talking about a long list – although the scribbling is fuzzy, the names take up an entire page. This is Lexiburning list of. Of all the people who have wronged him in his life. Now, as a rule, I’m all for proving that your enemies are wrong. We all have them. And spite can be a powerful motivator. But having a list of enemies so long that it takes up a whole page seems… excessive? This girl really thinks she’s some kind of Regina George from the Bahamas, doesn’t she. I guess that makes Malia Janis Ian because now she’s afraid to fall asleep at night with Lexi on the prowl.
During dinner, Mathieu reveals that he actually has no formal training. What is interesting. How did he get this job, exactly? But guests seem delighted with the Asian meal he serves. Having a traditional Croatian folk group serenade them afterwards probably didn’t detract from the experience either. (In fact, the only person the group angered was – surprise! – Lexi, who seemed unable to understand Katie(instructions, they couldn’t get on board due to social distancing guidelines.)
With the bad weather, Captain Sandy decides that the boat should return to the dock. AT Mzihorror, it means that rare nocturnal docking occurs. As if the poor kid wasn’t stressed enough, now you make him throw the towline in total darkness. To complicate matters further, Roy Orbison, Jr. decided to forgo the alcohol-free agenda and get completely eaten up during dinner. The man’s wife appears ready to murder him for embarrassing her on national television. But Roy wants to party. And by party he means threatening to jump off the deck into the nocturnal ocean like last season’s iconic Deloris. Under the bridge. Of course, the commotion turns into a perfect storm of chaos the moment Lady Michelle docks. Suddenly a line cracks, we hear Malia shout “Zee!” and the screen turns off. I told you there was always a cliffhanger.
TELL US – WILL MZI AND COURTNEY DO A CUTE BOATMANCE? WHO WILL APPLY FIRST: LEXI OR MATHEW? WHICH OF THE YACHTIES WILL BE ON THE LEXI BURN LIST BY THE END OF THE SEASON?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]